Happy Birthday, Jacob!

-Happy Birthday to my Son-

On the eve of your second birthday I find myself reminiscing about the night before you were born. There was so much to do. So many things to prepare. I was anxious and a little nervous, but when the time came everything was ready for your arrival, including Daddy and I.

I told your Daddy that I might not cry when I saw you. I told him that I would be so excited, but that often times when I would think tears would come they just wouldn’t. I didn’t want him to think that I wasn’t excited if I didn’t get all emotional. Well, the time came. I pushed so hard I was dizzy and lightheaded and then I got to meet you. As the nurses were cleaning you up I looked over at you, I listened to your cry, and I burst into tears. All I could say was, “Oh my God! Oh my God, Chris! That’s him!”  I was IN LOVE at first sight.

Fast forward 2 years: You have grown into such an amazing little guy! First, you take cute to a whole new level! Your eyes are piercing. Your hair is adorable. Your smile is breath taking. I know that I am biased, but you really must be as cute as I think that you are, because even men, young and old, stop me to tell me how unbelievably cute you are. You being cute is just an added bonus to all of the things that make you, you.

You, my little friend, are a talker. You speak and communicate better than most kids a year or more older than you. You and I have been carrying on full blown conversations for months now. If you want to say it you will figure out how to say it. You are brave! Let’s just say that you like to scare the crap out of your Daddy on a regular basis with your displays of bravery! You are independent. You are stubborn! You are completely clumsy! You hurt yourself all of the time. You have a terrible temper, which I have NO idea where you got! You love airplanes (airpains), helicopters (heck-a-cop-ters), motorcycles, flowers, Thomas the Tank Engine, Mickey Mouse, Clyde, fuzz, baseball, your sisters, your Daddy, dogs, cats, and ME! (and I love you MORE!)

What I love is hearing you say, “hold you, Mommy” “Lob you, too Mommy” “Look at me, Mommy!!” “I see an airpain!” “Up there! In the sky!”

I love that when I wake you up in the morning you pretend to be asleep and whisper, “shhhh, seepin!”

I love that you can count to about 13 all by yourself! You can say almost all of your ABC’s. You are kind. You like to share. You have a sense of humor! I mean, you truly have one. You know what things are funny, and you know why they are funny, which means that you do your best to insert those things into your daily life, especially if you think you are about to be in trouble for something!

I don’t really like it when you get mad. That temper I mentioned earlier gets you in a lot of trouble. You like to hit, scream, and bite when you get angry. And it is not hard to make you angry. As much as I love you, and always will, I hope that you grow out of that phase. In time you will learn that being quick to anger doesn’t help you or the people you care most about.

Jacob, I could not have imagined a more perfect son than you! I am so incredibly proud that I get to be your Mommy. I am so glad that I get to be the person to comfort you when you are hurt or sad! I am so happy to be there when you are happy. And I love sharing everyday with you! 

My Big Fat Wilkins Family

I grew up the baby of a baby. My Dad isn't the baby of just any family. He is the baby of the Wilkins family: the baby of 9: one of only 2 boys: 7 sisters. My family is big and extended. We love deeply and open our hearts to anyone and everyone. I have more cousins than I can count and many aunts/"aunts" and uncles/"uncles". You don't really have to be related by blood to be a member of our family. Pretty much anyone who is willing to put up with us will be welcomed in with open arms. 


I know everyday how blessed I am to have such a wonderful group of people that I call "family." I know beyond doubt that there will never be a day when my little family will go without a roof over our heads or food in our bellies, because there are so many wonderful people out there that would not let us go without. That is my family. I love them and I appreciate them, but sometimes having such a large family is hard. 


A couple weeks ago one of my cousins passed away. He had been fighting for a couple years, and eventually his body gave up. He did not give up. His body needed peace and I know that in his passing he was able to find peace. It is hard to think of our family without Charlie there to make us laugh and smile. 


Almost 2 years ago another one of my cousins passed away. She was young and vibrant and had a lot more life in her. Diane was a special person. She always made me feel special. Though I was a few years younger than her she never made me feel like I was just a kid. She had a beautiful smile and passed that on to her young Olivia. Her passing was sudden and tragic. 


All but one of my grandparents have passed away. We have lost other cousins, aunts and uncles. 


As wonderful as it is to have such a large family it also brings pain. And with the recent loss of Charlie, a bit of fear, because I know that in my lifetime I am going to lose many many people that I love. That I may not talk to everyday, but that make my life better just because they are alive and I know that they are there. It is truly scary to imagine, as the baby's baby, that I will quite possibly have to go through this time and again as my life moves forward. 

Don't get me wrong, my family is totally worth the sadness, because they bring so much more joy to life. 

Number Four

After Jacob was born Chris and I didn't waste any time realizing that we were just crazy enough to have another child! We talked and talk and I made the choice that we would not even consider trying until September 2011.....I'm really not sure when, but at some point we decided that we weren't going to try until January 2012.

Well, guess what?!?! I just looked at the calendar and we are only 3 days away from January 2012! Holy Crap!! It is time to start working on Number 4. We started numbering our kids after Jacob was born. Lilli is number 1, Hope is number 2, Jacob is number 3 and Number 4 remains to be seen. I can't wait to experience another child. Don't worry, there isn't one on the way yet! I'm not keeping any secrets here! I will keep ya posted on the journey to Number 4.

Boy?
Girl?

Really...I don't care, just as long as it's not a boy and a girl!!

Follow-Up!

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Scared...

In the midst of my life I realized recently that I was due for my yearly GYN visit. Exciting! Right? I know you're jealous. I've had a weird feeling about this appointment since I realized that it was coming up. I figured, and still do, that my nerves were just a result of the nature of the appointment, past scares, and having to find and go to a new doctor since we have moved to a new area. 


Abnormal Pap....I've had them before and had to have a procedure done....that's what I've expected to hear, but so far no word on the pap from last week. Hopefully no news is good news. Instead what I hear is that I need to have diagnostic testing done on my breasts... Appropriate, given its Breast Cancer Awareness month. The PA told me not to worry. I just have lumpy breasts. She wants to do an ultrasound. Expect everything to be normal. For the past week I have had comfort in those words until today.


 I finally got someone on the phone from the hospital's scheduling department. She schedules me and I move on. About an hour after talking with her she calls back. "I'm sorry, we have to reschedule you. The doctor ordered both a mammogram and and ultrasound. We need to reschedule for a time when you can do both together." 


I need a mammogram?!? I'm 31 and I need a mammogram? The rational side of me tells me that I am ok...That everything will be ok, but the emotional side of me is scared to death. Everyday I am faced with how fleeting life can be. Today I read about a beautiful 7 year old who passed away this morning from a brain tumor. If she can have a brain tumor diagnosed at age 5 and be gone at 7 then what makes me any different? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that scares me. 


I am so grateful for my life, for my family, and for all the many blessings that I have been given, but right now I am scared...

Hold my hand...

Jacob grabbed my hand today and I felt alive. His soft skin is so sweet and warm. Hope smiled at me today and I felt alive. Her sweet face beaming with beauty and life. Lilli laughed today and I felt alive. Her infectious nature that captures everyone that meets her comes through even in the wee hours of the morning.

I remember when Lilli was born thinking how strange it was that I couldn't tell what she would look like when she was older. I look at her now and I can see the little squishy nose of my first baby, and I can see the soft cheeks that I used to stroke. I can see what she was in what she is, but I can't see forward. 

I don't know where I'm going with this...

Let's start simple...

I've contemplated starting a blog for quite some time now for many of the same reasons that others do. I want to have a way to document my life with my husband and children, I want to keep friends and family up to date with what we are doing, I want to have a "diary" to look back on.....

I think one of the reasons why I haven't started to blog before tonight is fear. I have read so many blogs that started or ended in personal tragedy that I fear mine could be the same. I know that's totally irrational, but the thought has crossed my mind. I also fear what people will say about it, think about it, or that no one will care enough to ever read it.

So, I am putting all of those fears aside and jumping in. I'm Holly. I am married to a wonderful man (Chris) and I have three great kids (Lillian, Hope, and Jacob)! As things stand for the time being I am a Domestic Goddess! :) I get paid a huge salary of love, support, hugs, kisses and the occasional nose pick from Jacob! I go to Troy University and, THANK GOD, am almost done with my Master's degree in Adult Education. Please don't ask what I am going to do with it, because Chris and I have both come to the conclusion that we have no idea!!!

I'd have to say that most of what you will be reading will be about those 4 people I mentioned above. So, I'm gonna stop talking about me and talk about them a little! Chris, my attorney husband :), has helped to complete my world. I am so proud of him, because he works very hard for our family and loves us beyond recognition. And then there were three....Lilli came first. She's 7, and we call her #1! Hope, the big surprise, aka Little Diva, came second. She's 6, and we call her #2. Jacob is the baby. He's 17 months, and surprise surprise we call him #3! There are plans in the works for a #4. So, stay tuned for details. And believe it or not I can count. I do know that will be 4 kids. I do know that is a lot of work. And God willing, we are doing it anyways! :)

I'm not really sure if that was a simple start or not, but there it is.