Number Four

After Jacob was born Chris and I didn't waste any time realizing that we were just crazy enough to have another child! We talked and talk and I made the choice that we would not even consider trying until September 2011.....I'm really not sure when, but at some point we decided that we weren't going to try until January 2012.

Well, guess what?!?! I just looked at the calendar and we are only 3 days away from January 2012! Holy Crap!! It is time to start working on Number 4. We started numbering our kids after Jacob was born. Lilli is number 1, Hope is number 2, Jacob is number 3 and Number 4 remains to be seen. I can't wait to experience another child. Don't worry, there isn't one on the way yet! I'm not keeping any secrets here! I will keep ya posted on the journey to Number 4.

Boy?
Girl?

Really...I don't care, just as long as it's not a boy and a girl!!

Follow-Up!

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Scared...

In the midst of my life I realized recently that I was due for my yearly GYN visit. Exciting! Right? I know you're jealous. I've had a weird feeling about this appointment since I realized that it was coming up. I figured, and still do, that my nerves were just a result of the nature of the appointment, past scares, and having to find and go to a new doctor since we have moved to a new area. 


Abnormal Pap....I've had them before and had to have a procedure done....that's what I've expected to hear, but so far no word on the pap from last week. Hopefully no news is good news. Instead what I hear is that I need to have diagnostic testing done on my breasts... Appropriate, given its Breast Cancer Awareness month. The PA told me not to worry. I just have lumpy breasts. She wants to do an ultrasound. Expect everything to be normal. For the past week I have had comfort in those words until today.


 I finally got someone on the phone from the hospital's scheduling department. She schedules me and I move on. About an hour after talking with her she calls back. "I'm sorry, we have to reschedule you. The doctor ordered both a mammogram and and ultrasound. We need to reschedule for a time when you can do both together." 


I need a mammogram?!? I'm 31 and I need a mammogram? The rational side of me tells me that I am ok...That everything will be ok, but the emotional side of me is scared to death. Everyday I am faced with how fleeting life can be. Today I read about a beautiful 7 year old who passed away this morning from a brain tumor. If she can have a brain tumor diagnosed at age 5 and be gone at 7 then what makes me any different? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that scares me. 


I am so grateful for my life, for my family, and for all the many blessings that I have been given, but right now I am scared...

Hold my hand...

Jacob grabbed my hand today and I felt alive. His soft skin is so sweet and warm. Hope smiled at me today and I felt alive. Her sweet face beaming with beauty and life. Lilli laughed today and I felt alive. Her infectious nature that captures everyone that meets her comes through even in the wee hours of the morning.

I remember when Lilli was born thinking how strange it was that I couldn't tell what she would look like when she was older. I look at her now and I can see the little squishy nose of my first baby, and I can see the soft cheeks that I used to stroke. I can see what she was in what she is, but I can't see forward. 

I don't know where I'm going with this...

Let's start simple...

I've contemplated starting a blog for quite some time now for many of the same reasons that others do. I want to have a way to document my life with my husband and children, I want to keep friends and family up to date with what we are doing, I want to have a "diary" to look back on.....

I think one of the reasons why I haven't started to blog before tonight is fear. I have read so many blogs that started or ended in personal tragedy that I fear mine could be the same. I know that's totally irrational, but the thought has crossed my mind. I also fear what people will say about it, think about it, or that no one will care enough to ever read it.

So, I am putting all of those fears aside and jumping in. I'm Holly. I am married to a wonderful man (Chris) and I have three great kids (Lillian, Hope, and Jacob)! As things stand for the time being I am a Domestic Goddess! :) I get paid a huge salary of love, support, hugs, kisses and the occasional nose pick from Jacob! I go to Troy University and, THANK GOD, am almost done with my Master's degree in Adult Education. Please don't ask what I am going to do with it, because Chris and I have both come to the conclusion that we have no idea!!!

I'd have to say that most of what you will be reading will be about those 4 people I mentioned above. So, I'm gonna stop talking about me and talk about them a little! Chris, my attorney husband :), has helped to complete my world. I am so proud of him, because he works very hard for our family and loves us beyond recognition. And then there were three....Lilli came first. She's 7, and we call her #1! Hope, the big surprise, aka Little Diva, came second. She's 6, and we call her #2. Jacob is the baby. He's 17 months, and surprise surprise we call him #3! There are plans in the works for a #4. So, stay tuned for details. And believe it or not I can count. I do know that will be 4 kids. I do know that is a lot of work. And God willing, we are doing it anyways! :)

I'm not really sure if that was a simple start or not, but there it is.