Six Months Down.

Ryan, today you are 6 months old. You are half way to your first birthday, and I don't know where the time has gone. I've noticed recently that you aren't so tiny anymore. You look huge when I put you in your swing, which you love by the way and sleep in everyday at nap time. You are such an amazing little person, but Mommy is really having a hard time with you already being 6 months. 

It's not that I don't want you to grow. I really do. I love watching you develop into your own person, but you see, you're my baby. You are my last baby and I want to savor every second of you still being a baby. Your brother and sisters have already grown. They are so independent, but you still need me for so much. I know you will always need me and you will ALWAYS be my baby. I just can't believe that this part of my life is over and completed, but you, little man, have completed it so well. 

You are darn near perfect. So happy and content. You have such a good personality. You laugh and are playful, and you hardly every cry. You like to "talk", which means that you yell and screech a lot!  Ryan, you and I are inseparable and I wouldn't have it any other way. I wake you up most every morning and I put in your bed almost every night. As I leave your room I make sure to tell you how much I love you. 

Until today you ate only breast milk, and I am very proud of that milestone. This evening Daddy and I gave you solid food for the first time, oatmeal. You seemed to really like it. Actually, I think that you did better than your brother or sisters did their first time. Although, they all started solid food at 4 months. I think that waiting was good for you and I'm glad that we did. I hope to nurse you until you're 1. Mostly because I know it's best for you, you won't take a bottle, and it's cheaper, but really I love having that connection to you and being the one who nourishes you. 

So far you can't sit up on your own, but that's ok I know you will. You roll from side to side, and although you don't crawl yet you can scoot yourself all around when you are on the floor. You smile at yourself in the mirror and respond to your name. Your face becomes very serious when Daddy and I try to get you to say "Mama" or "Dada." I swear you study everything you see. You definitely take in the world around you. You don't have any teeth yet, but again, that is ok. I know that they are coming, and if you are anything like your brother you will be trying to bite my finger off before long. For now you are in 3-6 month clothes and size 3 diapers. You have big feet and dark blond to light brown hair, which is so hard to see that you look bald unless you are super close. 

Someone told me recently that the better a baby sleeps is an indication of higher intelligence. I don't know if that is true or not, but if it is then baby you are brilliant! 

I'm sure that there are a thousand things that I have left out, but for now just know that I love you and I am so excited for the next 6 months and beyond, but can we please just slow it all down a tad? 

Ryan, My Little Monkey Man

Written September 16th, 2013

Five months ago today I was 39 weeks pregnant wondering when I would meet the little man living inside of me. I woke up having no idea that it would be the day. I went to the gym and had an appointment with my mid-wife. After baby number one it is apparently difficult to tell what progress means. I had progressed from the week before, but that didn't mean anything...it could happen today or it could be a week or two. So, I went on my way. I sent out the usual text message to update everyone who wanted to know. I went home. I picked up Jacob. We went to the grocery store. We played. He napped. The girls came home. (Such a normal day for me.) I rushed around getting the girls ready for dance, getting homework done, and doing all of my usual Tuesday afternoon things. 

I may have 4 kids, but before that day I had no idea what it felt like to go into labor. I was induced all three previous times, and hoped and prayed that I would not be induced with Ryan. That afternoon in the midst of all of my normal business I noticed I was having contractions. But hey! I have contractions all of the time. So, I take Lilli to dance, contractions. I take the rest of the kids home. Contractions. I pick Lilli up and drop Hope off for dance. Contractions. I go to the grocery store. Contractions. I take Lilli home. Contractions. At this point Chris was home and helping out, but still contractions. We got dinner ready, sorta. I went to pick Hope up from dance. Contractions. (If you were wondering, I was having contractions all of this time, but they didn't hurt. They were just contractions.) All this while I was back and forth on the phone with my Mom. "Am I in labor? I don't know. I've never done this before. But it doesn't hurt." ECT... 

At this point I go home. Contractions. Maybe it's time to get out my handy cell phone and use that nifty contraction timer. So, I sit down. I keep track for about 40 minutes. Sure enough every 2-6 minutes I was having contractions, but they still didn't really hurt. I call the mid-wife. Contractions. "Are you contracting now?" "Yes." "Your voice isn't changing while your having them. Maybe its just irritation from the exam this morning. I'm at the hospital if they continue or get worse just come on up." "Ok."

So, maybe I'm not in labor. Contractions. I call my Mom. We go back and forth. "Ok Chris. Its 9 pm and I'm still having contractions. Let's pack up and go to the hospital. If this isn't labor then I don't know what is." We pack our bags and call our friends across the street. We get all of the kids in bed (I carried Jacob upstairs) and tucked him in. I make Chris coffee while he finishes packing. CONTRACTIONS that are now starting to hurt. Yup I can feel that. But hey, let's stop by CVS. We need snacks. Ok, this definitely hurts now. I make some more phone calls. I let everyone know that I'm going to the hospital. My parents are on their way. My Mom makes it clear that I better not have this baby before she gets there. We call my mother-in-law. She can't get off work. She won't be able to be there. :( 

Ok guys. I have to get off the phone. This shit hurts! All checked in. I walk the long hallway down to the labor and delivery room, because walking felt better than sitting in the wheel chair. I went to the bathroom. I changed. I laid down and they check me. Eyes get big! "Um, your 8-9 with a buldging bag of water!" More nurses flood in, my mid-wife is by my side. (Of course, Chris is there through all of this helping me and comforting me.) It is then that I realize that I will not be able to get an epidural. I HAVE to do this on my own. And then I realized that my parents won't make it in time. 

Shortly after that my water breaks and within 15 minutes I got to meet the little angel that is now 5 months old. He was so tiny, by far smaller than any of our other kids, weighing in at 6 lbs 14 oz. Honestly, he looked kinda funny at first, but I was in love. He melts me. 

Fast forward to today... He is 5 months old. He laughs. He smiles. He sleeps through the night. He grabs things and passes them from hand to hand. He rolls over. He "talks" to me when he wants my attention. He will bat at me when he wants my attention. He is teething. He is the happiest and most content baby I have ever known, and we love him more and more everyday, if that is possible. 

Big Changes

Lillian, Hope, Jacob, Ryan, Chris, Holly... Big family undergoing big changes. Tomorrow I will be 28 weeks pregnant with Ryan. On Tuesday, January 15th I started having contractions and ended up in the hospital to have them stopped by medications. It was weird having something like that happen. I have always had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions, but not like that day. It was all day. Several times an hour. When the midwife monitored me in the office she picked up 6 contractions in 30 mins. That is a lot! If they had been stronger it would have been a good labor pattern, but they weren't and Ryan and I are still safely bonded together. It was weird going through it, but I wasn't fearful. God gave me peace and I knew everything would be ok. So far so good. 

We now have about 12 weeks, at most, to get things ready for his arrival. That isn't long at all! Time passes so quickly now. I'm happy to be pregnant and not in a hurry for it to be over with, which seems to make the time pass even faster than before. 

We started working around the house getting things in order. The first order of business was to split the girls up. They have shared a bedroom since Hope was born. They share everything! Toys, tv, movies, bedroom.... Everything! Lilli started to express an interest in having her own room and so last weekend we split them up and for the first time ever they are in separate rooms with their own tv's, their own clothes, their own toys...Everything separate. 

I was so worried about how they would do, but it's not them that has had any trouble with it. To me it is so weird to see them apart. It is so weird that they have grown enough that my little girls need their own space...away from one another. How did we get here? How did my babies turn into girls? And how are my girls growing up enough to need space from one another? 

I think that because of divorcing Ron, moving in with my parents, and then marrying Chris there is a division in my life. Everything is so much different than it was when they were born and when they were little girls. Sometimes it makes it feel like it was a different life, but it is all part of my life, and those same two little girls that were with me through it all are now two big girls making changes and growing on their own. AMAZING!