Sunday, August 26, 2012

Detached

With Lilli, Hope, and Jacob I felt a sense of attachment to them as soon as I saw the positive on the test. I knew that there was a chance that something could happen to the pregnancies, but I just never really FELT that anything would go wrong. I immediately felt their presence in my life.

In May I never felt connected to the baby. I loved it. I wanted it. And I was totally excited, but not connected. This time I felt the immediate connection. Then somewhere between week 4 and 5 I started to feel disconnected from it. Then on Thursday hearing the news of my progesterone levels being low I detached even more. I want this baby. My desire is for God to deliver a happy healthy baby in about 7 1/2 months, but the reality that there is just as much chance that it won't happen as there is that it will has caused me to detach.

I wish I knew how this chapter would end. I would love to know how to move on either way, but I know that is not life and I need to wait for time to tell.

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